I've always thought that wonderful was a synonym for terrific, fantastic, amazing, outstanding. The list goes on. I like words--you know this already.
However, today I stand corrected. Wonderful means an instance to cause one to be filled with wonder. A sense of wonder can preclude words, colloquialisms, and even action. Wonder is a sense of amazement. Of gratitude.
And wonder--that's what I have as I sit here in December of 2017. We made it an entire year. From singing Christmas carols to our five preemies in the NICU in Phoenix to singing happy birthday to five healthy, giggly babies, the lyrics of my life have changed quite a bit this year.
Here are some photos of our celebration:
|Family--notice the ultrasound photos on the table!|
|Luke, Millie, and Ava|
In showing you all of this joy, I also want to be transparent about all of my feelings. I do indeed feel joy. And I feel wonder. But I also feel sadness. I long for a day of being a “normal” mom.
I’d love to be able to run an errand to Staples with a chatty, bubbly baby(ies).
I’d love to go to Target without someone asking me if I was on fertility drugs.
I would love to take a stroll with my kiddos without someone whipping out his/her camera to take a photo (without asking). And then, of course, asking if we have a Facebook page.
I would love to live moment to moment instead of worrying about that one day two weeks from now that I don’t think I’ll have enough help.
I would love to do all of these things, but the reality is, I can’t. That isn’t my life and I’m coming to accept that.
I get to see five smiling faces each morning.
I kiss five foreheads goodnight.
I change five diapers each morning.
I hear the harmony of five giggles during play time.
I hear the shrill screams of five (very healthy) lungs before dinner time.
I hang five stockings on my mantle piece.
I lug five car seats out to car.
I get the good with the bad. But, here’s the thing, we all do. We all take the good with the bad. We all have days when we wonder if we’ll be able to get out of bed tomorrow. We all get bad news. We all get embarrassed. We all laugh until we cry. We all tingle with love after hugging a loved one we haven’t seen in a while.
We are in this journey together. Yes, mine looks a little different than yours, but it’s so important to honor your feelings and find comfort in the camaraderie of others. You’re not alone. We’re not alone, especially as we enter this beautiful holiday season.
So here’s to wonder. Here’s the honesty. And here’s to grace.